A survival guide to ghost hunting

(Ή. διαβάστε στην επόμενη ανάρτηση, την Ελληνική εκδοχή)

So, you’ve seen enough episodes of paranormal reality TV-shows, you are intrigued by the atmosphere of mystery and suspense and wish to taste the feeling in a real life adventure, you believe you have what it takes, and so you want to be a ghost-hunter! Well, it’s always good to see brave people out there that don't get pale at the very thought of encountering 'ghosts' (-besides, even if things get too tense, nobody will criticize you for letting out a scream and get a bit jumpy in front of the camera, as you've seen even experienced investigators do in the TV shows that got you hooked); and after all, it seems so hard these days to find a descent hobby that will physically draw you away from your pc screen (-if you are a computer game addict however, maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to begin with a simulation training through Jonathan Boakes’ The Lost Crown). No, really, that's all very fine, but to go out for an actual field investigation may not be as small a step as it may look, it may take just a little more than buying yourself a 'ghost-hunting kit' and enter that creepy old building in your neighborhood that every one calls 'haunted'; or, this at least I hope that you may come to realize after you have finished reading the following guidelines that are presented along with some real-life examples, like little lessons that should better be taught beforehand, so as to save from a situation that can be quite embarrassing, if not dangerous...

To begin with, you need to have the proper theoretical background. Belief in ‘spirits’, ‘demons’ and other mysterious inhabitants of the unseen world has been around since ancient times and there’s a vast relevant literature accumulated over this time. So, if you want to investigate these or other aspects of the paranormal, you better start reading a-s-a-p. You won’t really find any definite answers to exactly what a ‘ghost’ or a ‘demon’ is, but you will be able to tell the difference between an 'incubus' and a 'succubus' –and believe you me, in certain circumstances, this could make a hell of a difference!...
Take pop star, Ke$ha, for instance, who claims to have had some particularly...close encounters with a 'ghost'. Had she studied the relevant literature that has been available since medieval times (and, no, I'm not really implying that 'incubus' is some sore of disease, even though some people have made up another word in an effort to define this sexual attraction as a syndrom), she would most certainly know that on account of the specific nature of her experiences, the culprit is more likely to have been an 'incubus' rather than a plain and ordinary 'ghost'. (-and she's not even the only celebrity that claims to have had such experiences)...

Studying is particularly useful, especially if like Ke$ha, you have good reasons to believe that a 'ghost' is haunting your own home. If you are facing a serious domestic issue (like for example, your underwear keep going missing) and this is what had made you wanna go through all the trouble and become a 'ghost-hunter', and you're not just influenced by the Paranormal Activity series, then you may skip the rest training for now, and start setting up cameras at home, and begin recording what happens during your sleep, or when you you're not present. Letting the other members of the family know exactly what you plan to do is generally advisable and may prevent you from other unpleasant surprises, too...

But most of the times it won't be your own house that you want to investigate, so it's time we begin to focus on the next thing you will certainly need, which of course is finding a potentially ‘haunted’ location.

Be honest. We both know that the first place to have crossed your mind was a cemetery. Granted, cemeteries are a taboo, the resting parks of souls that should not be disturbed, and it does make some sense for them to be traditionally considered as 'haunted' places, since, even though hardly anyone has died in there, they do gather all that negative energy from the feelings of relatives visiting and mourning the dead. Well, most of the times, that is... If you chose to investigate a cemetery, you should be warned that the sighs and moans that you may hear from behind the graves may not always be coming from a ghost... In fact, should you hear such sounds you must approach with extreme care, if you don't want the next time that you will visit an adult website to discover that the face behind the bushes in the background of that exterior scene looks somehow familiar... 

Besides, in cemeteries there's always the risk of getting yourself a hell of a scare, should you happen to come face to face with a 'corpse' that had decided to wake up; or, if someone has decided to perform a nasty prank on you and your friends...

The second place that may easily come to your mind will probably be an infamous house in which the real story of the latest horror flick you have watched at the movies has actually taken place. Well, although some houses that have gained such a fame from the films could potentially be interesting (including a number of villas where nothing so dramatic has occured in real life...just yet), this may not be such a good idea after all... First of all, because such homes are now usually occupied by new owners who seem to be more concerned with people trespassing their property than dealing with their local haunts; and secondly, because, especially if the movie was a smashing hit, hundreds if not thousands of other ghost-hunter wannabes had the same idea before you and having pursued this, they have already driven the current owners near to their but limits. Well, eventually the local haunts would get to them anyway, and then they would probably decide to sell the place and leave. Sooner or later, they all do...

Which leads us to the next possible resource of haunted homes, that is, ...the classifieds! Believe it or not, in real estate ads, not only you will find plenty of locations with such a reputation (just imagine, at times realtors even have to make clear that a house offered for sale is not haunted), but you will actually get a variety of interesting places, ranging from houses that are...slightly haunted to historic mansions infested with malevolent spirits and spooky dolls and from 'haunted' lighthouses to whole castles said to be roaming with ghosts! And not only that, in some cases the local spooks have already been identified, so you get to choose your invisible roommate from a variety of 'spirits' from two century old soldiers to less friendly aliens - celebrities are also an option but they tend to haunt a rather large mansion, or chateau,, so they cost more  (-if you are interested in this one in particular, then you better act fast, since Ke$ha will probably want to move in, if she so happens to hear about it...) If you 're lucky, you may even get a 'phantom coach' with the horses at the same price. And if you 're attracted to the lore of vampires, well, you never know just which ghost you may discover still hanging around at the enchanted Castelul Bran in Transylvania (unluckily to be Vlad since it's doubtful that he had ever lived there, but it could be his grandfather), or even at the more modern castle, La Paloma.

The main problem with this is that unless you hold a very large account in a Swiss bank (in the event of which, why settle for just a house when you can go for a whole...island instead?), or the owner of the house is really-really scared and desperate to move out, offering a great bargain (in which case, you have to hurry, since other ghost-hunters will also be watching, ready to invest), then you better make sure to approach the real estate agent with care. Insisting to arrange your first appointment to see the house after midnight and showing up with a bag full of strange little gadgets, may not really help you impress him as a serious potential buyer. In which case, (always assuming that the real estate agent did not have an even wiser idea for gaining access to 'haunted' estates, or he simply is Phil Dunphy), you will most possibly end up either being kicked out, or politely advised that you will have to wait until the owners accept that with such a reputation their place is not going to sell easily (unless of course they find someone who is willing to have it converted to bed and breakfast) and decide to offer it for rent to all those persons that had the same idea that you had... If you're interested in something more permanent, and a long term rental, there's always gonna be an interesting castle showing up now and then in the market, so better keep your eyes open...

In fact, it's not just the real estate agents and the owners that you have to be extremely careful with. In case the 'haunted' place that you have finally spotted is located close to other inhabited houses, you must try as much as possible not to disturb the neighbors. Should they feel annoyed, at best, they will call the police and you may end up been handcuffed on suspicion of burglary. At worst, you may simply...be shot at, especially if the neighbor is already pissed from the previous ghost hunting team, and she's got a gun!

 

Perhaps this is why old hotels and hospitals that lay abandoned in the country, (even if they are still not always the best targets, especially when trespassing is involved), are generally the ultimate locations sought after -apart from scavengers, drug users and graffiti artists- by ghost-hunting teams. Needless to mention that it will be useful to have set things straight from the beginning and have made clear beforehand to all the members of your team in which of these roles you will be visiting the place... And by the way, by ghost-hunting 'team', we mean a group of 3, 4, 5 persons, maybe two groups of 3 or 4, but definitely not...two-freaking-hundred! Which reminds me, like with private parties, you should not announce your ghost hunting investigation as a facebook public event. The place will get so much crowded that there will not be any chance for a proper investigation. Besides, it’s good for the members of such teams to be well familiar with each other from prior to the investigation.

But then how do you choose your team mates? Well, to begin with, looks can be deceiving, but on the other hand, usually they are not…When most of the members of the team look like, ...well, let’s just say, not so easy to rely upon, then the risk of unlucky happenings is quite high. But if for some unknown reason you end up in such a group, well, at least make sure that they won’t carry with them forbidden substances, lighters, matches and magnifying lenses... 

Well, in the end, at least for the first few times, maybe the safest way is to simply participate in one of the classic ghost-hunting events being organized by professional teams at various atmospheric locations which they rent by the night. You will be charged a participation fee, of course, and it may get a little bit more crowded than it should, but at least you won't have to worry about the rules, since you will be acting under the supervision (-and I don't necessarily mean...infrared, or full spectrum) of experienced guides. Just don't be in a hurry to leave the moment the investigation is over, especially if you 've been noticing strange knocks and other suspicious noises coming from the attic all night...  

Ok, lets give you a break and assume that you have finally found the proper place. Although most of the standard approaching techniques that you have seen in reality shows are of questionable effect, you may go ahead and experiment with them as you wish. If you have no reservations of looking sort of ridiculous for addressing questions to empty space (well, in a way, you can always argue that a similar practice is followed on a larger scale with the signals that are being sent to Outer space in hope that aliens may eventually receive them), you may go ahead and ask whoever may be listening. But, you need to make sure that your questions will be simple and your directions will not confuse the 'spirits', unlike a certain well known luscious British supermodel who during such an investigation, while trying to establish a way of communication with the netherworld, called to the spirits asking them to manifest their presence by...'knocking once, for yes', and... 'once, for no'. (Note: If during playback, you don't hear any phantom answers, you should not get dissappointed, as you can still use your recording to make a...song!)

Moving on to the rest things that may (or may not) be useful in your investigation. A standard tool used in modern ghost-hunting, is the EMF meter, an organ detecting the Electro-Magnetic Field at a specific spot, usually an inexpensive pocket size gadget, which is quite simple in its use. The investigator simply walks around the area  holding the meter in a geiger counter fashion, as seen in cold war sci-fi films, looking forward to the magical alarming beep, or (depending on the model) the led blinking signal, that will possibly indicate the presence of something 'paranormal'. Although, I must confess regularly using such equipment in my own investigations, too, we have to make clear that there is absolutely no reason to believe that such an instrument can actually detect 'ghosts'. At best, when the interference of other equipment (such as mobile phones, etc), or power lines, which is usually the cause, is safely ruled out and the EMF meter still indicates a fluctuation in the electro-magnetic field, then this could be a reason for a further examination of the specific spot. But practically, unless the source can be identified (if for example at the same time you happen to capture with the cameras some sort of 'anomaly'), it can hardly be used as evidence of the presence of 'ghosts'.  

This is important to understand, because it seems that in the modern ghost-hunting culture, this misconception that EMF meters detect ghosts is widely spread, and sometimes this can lead to some... really weird conclusions...

Well, whereas there might be some ways to communicate with 'ghosts' that inhabit 'haunted' vaginas, like for example by playing the infamous game, ouija board (-a detailed history of which worth reading here), or by experimenting with EVP (which usually stands for 'Electronic Voice Phenomena', but in this case in particular, as dear friend Sophia has suggested, it could also mean 'Electronic Vagina Phenomena'...), it would be highly recommended to make sure to eliminate all other possible logical explanations first, before seeking the assistance of a specialized exorcist.
On the other hand, if a 'ghost baby' (a 'cambion', as anyone who had properly studied the relevant literature would know that a baby conceived by intercourse with an 'incubus' is called) does live inside the belly of the lovely pop star, then perhaps it could make sense for it every once in a while to have the need of stretching its hands, and being from a family of musicians, to play the piano through (what-else?) her...'haunted' boobs... Right :)

Ok, now, enough with smiling. Time to get back to our own instruments and techniques. As we have already mentioned, Electronic Voice Phenomena are thought by some investigators to be messages from the other side. Although there have been researches claiming that such phenomena can appear even in controlled environments, they can hardly be considered as examples of communication with the dead, because: a) there is no hard evidence that the 'spirits' of the dead can communicate with the living, b) no-one can really be certain of the recorded voices' origin. Do they come from the 'spirit-world'?... Some 'parallel' universe, perhaps? Or, are they simply random radio waves? 
This question is kind of hard to answer and what makes it even harder is the fact that during the review of such recordings usually everyone hears whatever suits him, trying to make some meaning (apophenia) out of what usually is only static, noises from the movement and breathing of the investigators, or even distant voices, un-noticed by the ear, but enhanced by the sensitive microphone... (For example, had you earlier decided to use this method to investigate Ke$ha's 'haunted' hot-spot, during the reviewing of the recording, you would subconsciously be expecting to hear some line that would actually make sense, like...)
Of course, audio recordings can still provide interesting data. Just make sure while you 're investigating the basement of the 'haunted' house you had so much sought for, that the next-door neighbor is not watching a classic Mario Bava horror film, or you may end up thinking that you have captured the real sounds of hell!

In general, I usually find cameras more useful, although with the evolution of technology, even if you do get the proof you may have been seeking, it will be hard to convince the world that your photographs have not been manipulated with programs like photo-shop. Still it may worth trying, particularly if you are interested in this 'hobby' in order to satisfy your own need, rather than to tell the others that you 're a 'ghost hunter' -and by the way, I think a term like 'investigator of paranormal phenomena' sounds much better... 
In my investigations, I use 3-4 different cameras, reading different areas of the spectrum, in order to extend the range that I'm able to investigate from the limited field that human eyes can perceive, and I usually end up with hundreds of photos to review. Some of the photos may have only a small artistic value, as I'm not trying to capture only 'clues', that would be rather boring, but also a part of the atmosphere, too. But some times the results are very surprising... If you are lucky, you may capture a 'face', some strange shape, perhaps even a 'full body' apparition. If you are really unlucky, the person in your picture may have been captured in a similar pose on a postcard, a century ago... 

So, as a brief guideline, I think we have covered most of the matters that should be enough for you to get the idea... Always remember, humor left aside, that there really are several serious dangers out there that can prove fatal, such as exposure to asbestos and other material that can cause a lung infection, which you probably wouldn't even realize at the time, or, simply the risk of a tragic accident that can happen anywhere at anytime, when the proper precautions have not been taken.   

Happy 'hunting'! (-Or, enjoy the investigation!...)